You wanted me to be here with You (JMJ PANAMA 2019)

<<< 09/25/2019 You wanted me to be here with You I write this “post letter” one day before ending this amazing experience. The Pope says we must live in the NOW, but with everything I have lived… I can’t help but thank You already! I look at You, Lord. At You, exposed and illuminated. Between two palm trees, with the Pacific Ocean in the background. And I can’t help but smile. Smile at You, because You wanted me to be here with You. The week before the trip, everything pointed to leaving Madrid at this time being madness. Accumulated work, classes, last-minute unforeseen events… But You put me on the plane with 45 people I didn’t know at all so that I could finally stop, for at least 10 days, trying to control my life a little. You took me to a parish in southern Panama and there You gave me a host family for the days we were in the capital. There I had my first encounter with You. Even though I was completely refusing to go to a family (yes, I was one of those rebels who thought it was such a hassle to get involved with strangers when... I didn’t even know the group!) You made me see myself in the eyes of the couple who hosted me. For them, having us in that house was a gift from God, and they made us feel that way. Having two Spanish pilgrims was the greatest thing that could happen to them. If we were that for them… how can it be that I don’t value “you entering my home”? The vigil with the Pope: my second encounter with You. The revolution with a capital R. And I was just one more among all the commotion, but at the same time feeling so loved by You. You wanted me to be there to open my eyes and ears. To realize. You are not something ethereal or subtle, You are the greatest thing in the universe. And You love each one of us in proportion to that, which is why You gave us Your Mother, who was the bravest woman knowing how to say yes. She “didn’t buy life insurance, Mary took a risk and that’s why she is strong, that’s why she is an influencer, she is God’s influencer.” That’s how You impressed me more and more. But it wasn’t until we arrived at the island where we were going to spend 7 days volunteering that I had the third encounter with You... and, as they say, “third time’s the charm”... that was the encounter of the breakthrough. I can’t tell you exactly when it was: when I saw the children approaching the church with the excitement of those opening gifts on January 6th, because they only receive You 2-3 times a year. Or when I complained out loud about being thirsty while painting a house, and people from the village appeared with bottles of water knowing that potable water hadn’t arrived on the island for weeks and it could run out. Or when I saw how everything was smiles and play, despite having nothing. But there I saw You… and there I knew that not even 8,152.59 km away would You leave me alone. Back to the now: how much beauty the world around You has! “Cuatro vientos” is playing. I ask You to “tear out the stone I have for a heart, and give me one that bleeds” just as You did for me on the Cross. Thank You for gifting me this WYD. I return to Spain without a mask, with my heart big, wanting to be like Yours, and above all fertile, so that Your seed never stops growing and never drowns in the world around me. This trip, without a doubt, has changed my life. It has been a great gift. It came at the moment I needed it most… I was lost, with a big wound in my heart and doubts about myself. I spent the day stumbling, holding onto You with tweezers and, many times, dodging You. I wasn’t thinking about the now, that every moment of my day is Yours, but trying to get through everything, doing what I had to do and moving on to the next thing. And You have hugged me again, calmed me, and helped me focus. You have made me see You in the small things, in the smiles, in these strangers who are now my family. I feel small and at the same time strong enough to do great things. Like that piece of bread, capable of moving mountains. Sometimes I think I’m brave for coming alone… but now I realize You had a family ready for me, so I have come accompanied from the very first moment. I return to Spain wanting more and stronger. Wanting YOU more and stronger. I have become more aware of the importance of serving others, because by doing so I am closer to You. You have made me reconnect, love well, value what is important. I want to be bigger, Jesus. I want to paint more soccer fields and houses at 40º, because Your embrace through those children refreshes me and gives me strength. Let it be a stance!, if that means I will be able to cover my small daily sufferings with the joy of being by Your side. Give me strength, so I don’t fall, my Poor Madman. >>>