No one looked at me like He did

<<< 01/10/2023 For many years I heard that God loved me, I heard that He had chosen me, that I was fortunate, that no one looked at me like He did. For many years I waited to feel this love, to understand this love, to ground this love and, unsurprisingly, I never achieved it. Because, how can God love me when He knows all my imperfections? How can He love me when I don’t talk to Him, when I only seek Him when I need Him, when I feel I don’t know Him, when I don’t even know how to love myself? Life then brings its humanity, its perfect imperfection, it brings vulnerability, pain, loss, death, fears, broken hearts, and unfulfilled dreams. Without understanding God’s love, a hopeless life is a life without meaning. That’s how I walked, aimlessly, constantly searching for Him, living in discouragement, walking with sadness, with a gaze fixed on myself disguised as a gaze fixed on God, but in the end, being the center. Tired of walking without direction, believing that God had abandoned me, certain that He had created me simply to be His instrument, a utilitarian creation, an unloved creation, I arrived here. Knowing no one, not knowing Hakuna, not knowing God. The first gift was silence; being silent is not about being quiet, but about waiting, drinking in what reality offers as a gift; it is going to your own desert, which is not fleeing, but the opposite, facing it. Enjoy the silence, respect the silence, find yourselves and let yourselves be found by Him, in the silence. It is a gift, in these times, to have a weekend of silence. Today, a week later, I would like to be silent again as we were at God Stop, I would like to contemplate again, to contemplate the beauty of His creation, to contemplate what we heard, to contemplate Him, my heart and to know I am contemplated by Him. Jesus spoke with His Father in silence, on the mountain, in the desert. Do not be afraid, do not be afraid of yourselves. I will keep many gifts in my heart, but the second and last one I would like to share is the gift of the Eucharist. Understanding communion as the most intimate moment we have with God, the moment when we become one, one body, total surrender, full and deep love, changed my life. I arrived at God Stop asking God to teach me what His love was, I arrived expecting answers, maybe a feeling, a rain in my spiritual desert that I had been feeling for years. I thought I had arrived with no expectations, but I came with a huge thirst to feel His love. The surprise was that His love is not a feeling, it is not understanding it, it is not grounding it, it is not naming it, His love is a certainty. The certainty that He gives Himself, intimately and totally every day on this altar, He gives Himself to become one with me, He gives Himself as the greatest act of love, He gives Himself only for me. He gives Himself looking me in the eyes, choosing me again and again. And this is everything, it is my reason for being here, it is enough. Seeing communion as marriage healed wounds in my heart, I know I have a vocation for marriage, and not knowing the man of my life was a deep wound in my heart. Understanding that He chooses me, again and again, to be one with me, healed my soul. It took Him a second and at the same time years for me to understand how He loves me. It took Him lending me to silence, it took the Perfect time to find me as His lost sheep. My heart understood that my life is an extension of communion, my heart understood that certainty is the Eucharist, that there is nothing else I could need in this world other than to be one with Christ, the rest will come by itself. With Him I can do all things, and what I cannot, He will take. With Him, life finally has meaning. The Eucharist has given meaning to my life. My favorite Bible verse has always been Luke 15:20: “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” I never understood why, until God Stop. I always believed it was because I had hope that one day I would feel that gaze, that gaze that looks for me from afar, that runs to me, that doesn’t need me to do, move, or speak. I always thought I would know that gaze until heaven, and what a surprise I had when I felt it for the first time in the Eucharist. He looks at me, He looks at you. Let us allow ourselves to be seen, loved, let us allow ourselves to be one. Glory to God that you are here, it is no coincidence that you are, let yourself be loved, embraced, let yourself be one with God. Thank you for listening to me and enjoy, that is what life is about, hand in hand with God, I pray and ask for you with much love >>>