06/07/2023
I start simply, I never felt anything. My big “low” or test of faith is that, I never felt anything in any worship, outpouring of the spirit, or intense prayer moment. When everyone was crying, resting in the spirit, or feeling warmth in their body, hugs, or intense love in their heart, I felt nothing… I already know and accept well that our faith is not based on feeling, but on firmly believing that God IS, whether we feel it or not, but every now and then a little warmth in the chest helps, right? Well, the retreat was no exception to the rule (although that doesn’t mean I didn’t greatly enjoy the experience and that I eagerly await another holy hour of Hakuna), but it did reveal something to me in one of the tossings, a question. My heart, does it have space? A silly question, it might seem, but as Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, not even God can occupy a place that is already occupied. Do I have space in my heart for Christ? When I invited Jesus to dwell in my heart, to make it His house and home, wouldn’t He find a house so full that He cannot enter? Furniture, appliances, old clothes, dust, and pictures of old memories that are better to let go… things that God did not put there at first, but the World placed without me realizing it. There I realized, I have to clean, free up space, but how? Well, with His help obviously. This retreat made me realize that I was not asking God for the right thing, before He enters and dwells in me, He has to help me clean and repair this house that is my heart.
In the end, will I feel something? It’s not something I worry about, I just think that with every thing I let go, with every space I free from those useless pieces of furniture, God will fill it with His warm and beautiful presence, like the sun that enters through my window on these cold days. An interesting adventure and a lively walk with the Beloved Lord await me, pray for me.
